Funnies - Bored at work!

UK children approaching maximum thickness

feeds@yuku.com (Leela) — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 12:07:25 GMT

BRITAIN'S children are now just two years away from maximum thickness, according to the latest exam statistics.

SAT results show that 78% are now technically dense, while the remaining 22% should be stupid enough to join the police by 2011.

Experts said the figures were in line with millions of stupid people rutting like monkeys and called on KFC to include contraceptives in its secret...

Surprised kitten

feeds@yuku.com (Leela) — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 17:39:24 GMT
Cute beyond words!

http://www.boingboing.net/2009/11/30/surprised-kitten-is.html?utm_source=feedb

News

feeds@yuku.com (Peckham Princess) — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 14:59:36 GMT
Just watched the news for the deaf about the floods.The sign language women gave up trying to explain Cockermouth.

Beyonce vs Metallica

feeds@yuku.com (Beetlejuice) — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 16:11:03 GMT
This is so funny. If you like Metallica then you'll want to learn the dance so you can join in. No more headbanging for me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ma9BQD_pkTg

Number 6 in the top 10 things you should never tweet about:

feeds@yuku.com (Ryan B) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 20:26:12 GMT
http://s3.amazonaws.com/theoatmeal-img/comics/twitter_stop/6.png

...Unless, of course, you're tweeting about your pets to teach your breeder followers a lesson.

Cat tries to distract policeman

feeds@yuku.com (Leela) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 13:56:20 GMT
I'm not sure what's funnier here, the cat climbing all over the policeman while he's trying to write a parking ticket, or the policeman doing his level best to ignore the cat!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/8366386.stm?ls

A very pissed-off grimsby FC fan

feeds@yuku.com (Propr Cynic) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 17:07:06 GMT
What every football fan has wanted to write to their team at some point:

Dear Players of Grimsby Town FC

I am writing with regard to my absolute astonishment and disbelief as to the sheer magnitude of your complete lack of talent and failure to carry out the job for which you are paid to do. I am not aware of any swear word or other derogatory phrase in my current vocabulary which comes close to a description of your 'performance' (and I...

Reason Not To Let Pweshus Run Amok In The Mall!

feeds@yuku.com (mojito chick) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 22:22:58 GMT
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCM4dREGdDw

Forewarned....

feeds@yuku.com (Monk San) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 14:10:07 GMT
Well, at least one parent has a bit of warning about what to expect whait their little crotch-dumpling spews forth into the world....

"Why the fuck do you have a kid?"

feeds@yuku.com (Leela) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 17:51:10 GMT
Weird, but funny.

http://whythefuckdoyouhaveakid.com

The Dark Future

feeds@yuku.com (laurian) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 04:06:02 GMT
Scary concept:

Found on adult.engrish.com NSFW, but engrish.com is SFW.

choosing your religion by flowchart

feeds@yuku.com (pudontour) — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 10:13:09 GMT
This choose your religion flowchart has cheered up my rubbish Monday morning

Enjoy!

SA police

feeds@yuku.com (Kraze42) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 20:58:44 GMT
JOHANNESBURG. In an attempt to limit the random machine-gunning of members of the public by police officers, South African police will be issued only as many bullets as they have IQ points. This will mean the average officer on the beat will be allowed to carry between 8 and 12 rounds. Officers were too busy shooting at motorists to comment on the decision.

There has a been a recent spike in the numbers of innocent...

Made me giggle

feeds@yuku.com (Mrs Mars Bar) — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 13:17:33 GMT

A baby penguin is sitting on an iceberg with his mother. Suddenly, he asks, 'Mummy, am I a baby penguin?'

'Why, of course you are. You are the most beautiful little penguin here.' A few minutes later, he asks again. 'Mummy, am I really a baby penguin?'

'I'm a penguin, your daddy is a penguin, and you are a penguin. Now eat your fish up.'

A couple of minutes later, the baby asks the questions again.
The mother shouts back,...

Epic LOL

feeds@yuku.com (Ryan B) — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 23:26:51 GMT

(The Customer is) Not Always Right - warning - great time waster

feeds@yuku.com (pudontour) — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 12:31:37 GMT
I've just been pointed at Not Always Right - it's very funny but don't blame me if you lose an afternoon to it ok?

Yawning donkey!!!!

feeds@yuku.com (Stedders1975) — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 21:17:40 GMT
A very "lucky" lady receives a special gift from her husband when he comes home from work on Friday evening.

It's a new dildo. "That's strange," she says. "this dildo looks bizarrely like a carrot."

"Oh funny that," says her husband. "because your fanny is like a yawning donkey!!!"

LAUGH?!?! You can fucking bet I did!!!!!

Stedders

The Taxman Cometh

feeds@yuku.com (Leela) — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 17:30:07 GMT
At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a Synagogue.

While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, 'I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?'

'Good question,' noted the Rabbi. 'We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles.'

'Oh,' replied the auditor, somewhat...

Obituary

feeds@yuku.com (Kraze42) — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 10:17:40 GMT
Apologies if that has been posted before...

An Obituary printed in the London Times

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has
been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his
birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets...

Grandpa's Love

feeds@yuku.com (mojito chick) — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 14:31:56 GMT

A woman in a grocery store happens upon a grandfather and his poorly behaved 3 year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that Gramps has his hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle; same for fruit, cereal...